Return to the Scene...

Anxious for my laptop to turn on this morning I started writed this blog in my head....


Day 7...

It's Friday. I have been dragging my heels literaly getting to this day. Most look forward to Friday, but not me, not today, not this friday. One week ago I was struck by a rushed driver while on my bike heading out to the Athletic Park for one last practice on the Cyclocross Course that I had been looking ofrward to, planning, and training for for months, but I never made it.
Today I am returning to the scene of the accident. Where I was hit. Where I lay in the street unconscious waiting for EMT's to respond to the 911 call. Where the White Rock Fire Deptment responded to becaause even though I was 200 meters on the South Surrey side, thankfully for me the Surrey Fire Dept was on another call at the time. I say thankfully, because some of the WRFD guys know me personally from riding with them on the "Hop on in Hope Shore 2 SHore Ride" from a couple years ago ...and we have exchange small talk and pleasantries since. AS well I have always been a big WRFD supporter since moving back to my hometown of White Rock after leaving Los Angeles following my divorce over 8 years ago.
When I returned to White Rock the first thing I did was sign up to Volunteer at the Tour de WHite Rock. AS well as other volunteering opportunities, but TDWR was my favorite and the kids and I did it as a family. I felt it was a great way to get reconnected with the community. I had also decided not to get another car. It seemed to make sence at the time and since. I wanted to make cycling, my passion since childhood, my number one activity. I thought that cycling was a healthier choice than the convenience of a car, better for the environment and it promoted community as well. It became very clear to me that this was a good choice. I lived within walking distance to the beach, uptown, all amenities; White Rock is great like that, any and all things you need we have without a trip in to Vancouver. So, I walked, took the bus, used my bike for commuting, and only really missed having a car maybe a handful of times since moving to Whote Rock. That includes the snowy days too.

A few years ago while I was in the Shop, Peninsula Cycles has often been like my living room at times, Jeff Hanninen walked in. I recognized him from the cycling world, he was making some arrangements for a race he was putting on the following week that The Shop was sponsoring. He invited me to the race. It was  Cyclocross race. Now even though both my brother, and my sister in law was actually a pro that had done the whole EUro treck, I had heard their stories but I had to admit I had never seen an actual race so I said "Sure I'll be there".
I showed up at the Bike Park (now maintained and oporated by S.O.R.C.E., which I am also now a commited member of for the past year; prodly) to the gleeful wonder of riders riding through the muddy pumptrack, hammering down along the grassy course with huge smiles on their muddy faces. This was insane; and I LOVED IT! I stuck around till the awards, talked to a few people I recognized then went to the shop. My jubulence was lost on 'The Boys'.....Jamie was a track racer and Simon had no interest in X nor did Dustin who was BMX through and through....but I was pumped!
I decided there and then I was going to come out the race that was happening in acouple weeks to watch as well, but then a few days later I had an 'idea'. I went to the shop and ran my idea past Jamie to see if I was totally bonkers...."i was going to just go watch the race, but I know they have a Citezen class...I think I am going to race. It seems silly to just stand ont he side lines and not participate. What do you think, can I do that?"
Jaimie said "Yeah, I think you can." "I mean worst comes to worst you get lapped but at least you had fun doing it so go for it"....so that was it the race was the next day and I text my brother to tell him I was doing a CX race....hos text back "Who is this?" lol that will teach me to stay in closer contact with my brother. I explained it was his older sister and he text back "Cool, we are just at King George Hwy, be ther in 10 minutes"....WHAT!!!!...so not only was I going to race but Norm, Wendy, Marty (the dog, rip), my mom, my dad were all going to be there. I had not planned on family humiliation when I made this decision, but I wasn't backing down. Norm arrived, took one look at my bike and said...."Well at least you took the fenders off" lol...I was riding my commuter and it still had the rat trap on it....He took a look at the bike to make sure it was up to the task of racing, and then he looked at me "Take the sweatshirt off"....my mouth gapped open and I said "But it's freezing out here"..."Take the sweatshirt off, trust me, you are going to overheat if you where that thing" So I took it off....He wished me luck and off I went.
That day when I was called to the line up I was racing with the Masters women. There was no one but me racing in Citizen, not just no other women but no men either I was the only citizen crazy enough to think this was going to be fun!....
The race started with a gun shot and I had no idea what I was doing but I didn't care I was in my first ever race and I was doing it. I grew up in a cycling family. We raced BMX as kids but early on I promoted myself to  the support team beacuse I was mortified of being humiliated...so I would go to all my brothers, and sisters races, cheer them on, help them with any mechanicals and that was oaky with me. During the long days of summer my brother and I use to have contests taking apart bikes and putting them back togother. Sometimes that would get boring so we would do it blindfolded and time it. Goodtimes. I knew bikes. But I never raced...and as I got older I grew tired of fixing them so hence the relationship with 'The Boys'....I trusted them with my babies...and they never let me down.
The wet grass was starting to tire out my legs, and before long some of the owmen that had lined up at the start with me were starting to pass me. I didn't know then that that ment I was done. Each time they passed they would smile and give me words of encourgement "Way to go Donna" "Your're doing great Donna keep going" and I did...right passed the Commisionar from Cycling Bc, several times until the race was actually over and here I was coming up to pass him again and he said to me "Are you still going" ..and I said a very ephatic "Yes!"....
I finished with the biggest smile I have ever seen on me before. That was one of the coolest experiences I had ever had. Granted that was the last race of the Season but I couldn't wait to race again even if it meant waiting a whole year to do it. Wendy had cheered me on as did my Mom and Dad...I hadn't heard my brother though...but that didn't matter to me at the time.
So, I was hooked. I loved Cyclocross. I rode up to the SHop and Jaime pointed across the street and said "You need to eat NOW"....he was directing me to McDonalds...I rarely ever eat there and he knew that, but I followed his orders and stuffed a double cheese burger in my pie whole as instructed...he explained later about why one has to eat within 1/2 an hour of riding in a race so that one does not, in terms we use in training, "BONK"...when your body hits the wall having exerted itself and had insuficient fuil intake after or during the race be it riding, or running this holds true...something I was to learn and become very familiar with in the future. But that day I was just beeming. I had raced my first Cyclocross race.
Later I was to start racing Triathlons, RUnning events, and more CX....it's all history now, and I lov emy life. I can't imagine my life without me on a bike. It's a part of me, not just somethign that I do.
So, even though my focus has been mostly on my recovery and pure basics of my everday care, to say that I haven't noticed or missed being on a bike would be a lie. I basically live on my bike and ride it nearly every day. So, I won't sugar coat it and tell you that I haven't noticed, or thought about it since the accident. I have, and everyday too.
Writing this blogpost this morning has been, I will be honest, a bit of a diversion and a delay tactic....so that I don't think about my plan today. To be honest I haven't had any plans since the accident. Everythign has been about just managing through out my day. But I have thought about this plan since Wednesday.
At 4:21 p.m. I am leaving my place...that is the time I left my place last friday. I always check my watch prior to heading out on a ride or walk, and I don't like wearing the watch because it bothers me. Last time I wore my watch it was for my CX race two weeks ago at Nationals (I didn't know at the time that that would be my one and only race of the season...I hadn't even planned on racing that weekend..it was a spur of the moment thing ..now I am so happy I did that race..anyway...) and after the race I had a huge lump of a bruise from it tighening while I was riding...so I check the time before i head out and then check it on my return so I know how long my work out was...Clearly last week I never got to check it again as my plan for my practice ride went a bit a rye.
I plan on walking the route that I took last week, one that I take often. I still walk in a swirvy line since the accident. Mom thinks that when I hit my head that the force of the blow may have knocked out my ear drum, hence why I struglle with my equalibrium. It's either that or my body simply can't take my natural sway I have when I walk....that must be it right <giggle>....I will walk to the scene and then I plan to take a few photos of the scene. I am not putting much forthought in to this plan. Just take it as it comes. I only just started to entertain any emotion, or should I say have any emotion return to me the same day my dreams returned, Wednesday.
I was angry Wednesday, just for a breif moment. I don't dwell ont he emotions because they hurt my head to much. I tried crying last week just a reaction from the pain but it hurt my head so much that I stopped immediately.
Yesterday, I ran in to a friend I met a couple years ago at Starbucks, Dawn. We were having a heart to heart. She is such a kind caring person. It was the first time I have actually cried about the accident. It was brief, again, like I mentioned my head started to ache so I stopped. But it is starting to set in now that I have had a near death experience. The first "What if" has hit me...
"What if..." The WRFD hadn't been able to revivie me...I was laying in the street. I do not still today remember anything! I am a bit concerned abotu that. You know that moment when you are aware that you are about to have an accident and you try, depite your best efforts, to adjust what ever you are doing to avoid it and as well you tense up, everythign is in slow motion durin gthat time. I didn't have that. I didn't see it coming. I looked over my left shoulder to see that there was no traffic coming...I knew that in front of me there were no cars at all...and that is all I remember...the facts abotu me and the car that hit me I have all heard from the police. I don't remember a thing.
Some say that is Natures way of healing...maybe I am not meant to remember. So, I am askign myself if it is neccesary, do I want to remember, or am I comfortable just letting this one go. I don't have the answer to that today.
Today I have a plan. ..and that is as far as I have gone with this...it's day 7, Friday December 7th, 2012...and I am still alive.



Martin & 16th is a solid/unbroken double yellow lines from the intersection to the next intersection at Southmere...I just needed to see it.

Cycling Cafe's Diva

"Uniting a Community; one Cyclist at a time"

"RIDE HAPPY"

This Blog and its content is copyright of Cycle Cafe - ©CycleCafes 2011- 2012 . All rights reserved

  #Cyclecafe