I recently signed up for a very popular Internet dating sight P.O.F. (Plenty of FIsh) in an effort, I think, to combat my huge amount of 'Alone Time' that I am not to fond of. At the time I signed on to the site I wasn't really aware of what I was getting in to . My Girlfriend had boasted about metting lots of really great guys from the sight. She would date them for a while, then decide that they weren't really 'The One', and move on to the next. She seemed to be having a lot of fun, so based on her experience and the nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "You should be dating",when I really REALLY didn't want to be dating at all, I took the plunge and signed up too.
At first I blamed my solo act on simply not being ready to date since Dave (my boyfriend who over a year ago {possibly a year and a half now since he broke my haeart and left me shattered} had asked me to move to England, move in with him, and be his 'Partner' for Life....I had said an infatic "Yes" to that question, and never saw the invetable end coming....at all!).
Then after truly being over Dave I just wasn't that excited about the idea of dating again. The whole notion of going out on awkward first dates with strangers, getting to know someone ..or God forbid it work out, I certainly wasn't willing to get use to someone's bad habits, or share my space, or time with anyone at all!
After that phase I simply became, for the first time ever in my life, completely content with being Single. I mean all my adult life I had looked for, and had wanted to be in a relationship. It was my M.O. I was the 'Relationship' Girl.
Not now, but that didn't mean at all that I was going the other route of having meaningless 'Hook ups' either. That definetly wasn't my thing either. I simply finally found myself really loving being alone, and enjoying my Life 'Single'.
However I was still on P.O.F., and I was getting lots of messages from men that were possibly interested in changing that. Althought frankly most of them where looking for a 'Friend with Benifits', or a quick hook up. Despite the fact that right at the top of my profile I had mentioned that I wasn't interested in that at all. Yet they still asked, bless them. Men are funny they really don't take "No" for an answer and they still give it a go. Most of the time us Ladies appreciate their tenacity. This wasn't one of those times.
So, the Dance continued until last week when I saw a familiar face in the big sea of fishes. I recognized him right off as being someone I knew from Racing Cyclocross. So, I sent a message mentioning that I recognized him. He was Coi at first as a decoy to avoid embarassment being that he clearly didn't know who I was at all, but that curiosity worked in my favor. He asked me out right away ( I think mostly to relieve his biting curiouslity as to who I was, and how we knew each other, and which friends did we actually have in common?). As much as I might hum, and ha at this whole dating process this time I really appreciated his quick draw cheekiness and I said "Yes" .
There, I had done it. I had agreed to my first date, and it was to be the next day for breakfast. He had originally asked me out for a bike ride, and as much as I don't want my accident to define me it was difficult not to mention it, yet again, in order to really explain why I couldn't go for a ride. So, breakfast it was and he had graciously agreed to travel out my way as well. I was actually excited. Not a bit nervous at all being that I knew him a bit from CX and we had friends in common.
The next day I woke up earlier than I usually do (since the accident I tend to sleep now at least 10 hours a day so waking up before that is rather difficult for me) to meet my date for Breakfast....Picking out something to wear that wasn't exercise gear, or kit was really a challenge and I ended up being 8 minutes late...oops. When I arrived at our meet-up point at Starbucks my date was facing away from me arriving, but my eyes went right to his legs (he was wearing shorts) and I recognized his shaved cycling legs immediatly lol. It's a cyclist habit; you can tell if someone is a cyclist, or a runner by their muscle tone...If you are a cyclist you understand what I am talking about, if not you probably don't. He turned around and with a big grin gave me a big hug; nice!
We started easily chatting as we walked to the 5 Corners Diner down the hill. Once there we got a table right away. Not an easy thing to do on a Sunday morning, so we were lucky, and the conversation continued. Our eggs came and we were still talking. We talked about my accident (eek), my recovery (more eek), parenting, briefly about past relationships, racing, and my date finally connected the dots realizing that I was Norm Thibault's sister (one of his real competitors in CX, and a name synonomous with the popular sport due to his reputation and the fact that my brother is married to one of the top Professional CX Champs Wendy Simms, whom he also started a 7 part Cyclocross Race Series with over on Vancouver Island called Cross on the Rocks)....so now that the mystery had been solved we chatted on.
There wasn't ever an uncomfortable moment. After breakfast we walked back up the hill to his car, he offered to drive me home and once there he gave me a quick hug good-bye and then he said something that really took me a back, "Don't tell your brother we went out". My date had finally put 2+2 together over breakfast that I was Norm Thibaults sister, one of his fierce competitors at CX races....where did that come from....Was he kidding? I couldn't tell ...he tried to play it off by saying that they were competitors and he didn't want him to know any of his racing strategy, but really that just sounded like a really feeble excuse to me. It sounded like he actually meant it.
So, what did that mean exactly? Was he embarassed that we had gone out? I mean really? I thought it was a great date although I was getting a very strong vibe that he wasn't attracted to me at all. Which was really a biter pill as I was attracted to him. I mean he was very tall, athletic, handsome, had a great outlook on life, we had a lot in common, and we really seemed to get along....so what was the problem.
I let that lye for a bit. Despite his last departing remark I was still happy with our date so I decided to send him a quick message on fb (I would have text him but wasn't exactly sure if the number I had for him was his mobil or his home phone, and I wasn't going to call...that would have been awkward now considering what he had said when he was leaving). I meantioned what a nice time I had with him, thanked him for driving out this way, and of course for breakfast. Like I said I kept it really brief, and non commital, or pushy.
That was early Sunday afternoon. His response came the next day:
"Hi Donna, l enjoyed breakfast and meeting you. I hope you continue down the road to a full recovery, you have a great attitude to life it seems and that will surely help! See you at CX no doubt"
Well, I called it! That was definetly a "See ya around, MAYBE" for sure. Not a "hey we should go for a ride sometime", friends vibe which would have been perfectly acceptable and kind of nice. Not that I really expected anything at all, but what followed that I think surprised me more than anything.
I started to really question what was wrong with me? I mean was I not tall enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. I realize that he simply was't that in to me, but there had to be a reason. See, before this date I was good, really I was. Despite what my friend had said to me after the shock of telling him I went on a date he had said,
"Well at least you didn't spend your Sunday alone like you usually do". I knew he was right and I appreciated that for sure. I certainly never expected to have so much self doubt though having gone out on this 1st date. I mean this was seriously way to heavy. I wasn't feeling insecure before the date. Sure I had gained a considerable amount of weight since the accident. Sitting on your ass for months not being allowed or able to do much physical activity when you and your body are use to a very active lifestyle can leave you with muffin-tops for sure. I didn't like the weight I had gained, it felt like I was in someone elses body to be honest, but I was working on it; hard!
The whole situation just left me really rattled. I was crying even, and since the accident I haven't had or shown much emotion at all. I have been really even and balanced so this must have really struck some cord, because right now I am not to happy. I never expected that going on a great date would lead me feeling this bad.
So, it is very probable that it will take me another year, or longer, before I go out on another date...because if I feel this bad after a great date I would hate to see how I manage after a crappy one, and lets be honest, we all know that most first dates are nightmares....This wan't a nightmare, for which I was lucky.
The thing is as much as a boyfriend/partner would be nice to find eventually, truly all I would really like to find is my best friend.
So for now I think I will stick to my single glass of Merlot on Friday nights, with my PJ's on by 7, watching a James Bond movie; over meeting anyone else for now.
Thank you very much P.O.F., but No Thank you!
Growth doesn't come without change, or setbacks, and one doesn't grow until they have two feet on the ground to regain balance before taking a step forward.
Cycling Cafe's Diva
"Uniting a Community; one Cyclist at a time"
"RIDE HAPPY"
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